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  • Laura Altieri

The Professional Shoe-untier

The band-aid company that hired me gave me simple instructions: scheme. I go into accident-

prone environments and untie people's shoe laces to make them fall. Playgrounds are my

personal favorite. Mothers and fathers chatting away with gossip as little Johnny trips over his

laces and scrapes his knees. That's when I go for it. “Does anyone have a band-aid?” the

guardian asks his/her surroundings. “As a matter of fact, I do!” And then I spew my propaganda.

The conversation ends with a smiling guardian, a no longer bleeding child, and a coupon in hand

from the band-aid company’s scheezeball


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