I make awkward situations not awkward anymore. People hire me to attend group functions and distract from awkward confrontations between angry party members, or practically any other uncomfortable moments you can think of. I’m quite popular at birthday parties, double dates, and family gatherings. I simply distract from the awkwardness of all types of situations. By telling a joke, pretending to have something very important to say, making a loud commotion, etc…
I’m in an arranged marriage with a woman I hate, and at dinner we sit across from each other speaking no words. I wish I could hire myself.